only this, and nothing more
by lord-is-it-mine
Summary: Maybe it wasn't that he didn't love Lizzie in the way he'd been told he ought to- maybe he'd found the only kind of 'love' he needed.


An early and unsettling chill had settled over London and the outlying countryside- it wasn't yet mid-November, and already the thick clouds that hung in a low canopy over the land were threatening snow- or freezing rain at the very least. The sky remained overcast day in and day out, the sun hidden throughout its constant cycle. The afternoons were far too dark for so early in the winter- too dark and too cold- upon stepping out of doors, a shivering cool would seep under the skin, putting red in the cheeks of anyone who dared venture into the biting winds. To some, the weather of late seemed to be an omen of ill tidings- an indicator of the difficult and dangerous season ahead.

It was during this premature freeze that her majesty Queen Victoria sent a letter to the Earl of Phantomhive, in which she expressed her wish for him to hold a ball, announcing his official engagement to the daughter of the Marques of Scotney, Elizabeth Midford. Having been betrothed to her for some time, this would simply be a formality for him; as well a precursor to the wedding that the Queen hoped would take place within the year. It appeared that even though the Earl, barely on the verge of sixteen, had been deemed old enough to wed and therefore was obligated to do so. As he was still so young, he had hoped on holding off on marriage for as many years as his fiancée's family would allow. As he read the letter, he realised that being married at sixteen would be something of a nightmare for him. Being married to someone he knew he wasn't (and could never be) in love with was equally frightening. The true horror and greatest mystery in his mind was the fact that love mattered to him at all.

"She wants a wedding in the spring." Ciel muttered with some disgust, mostly to himself, though his most faithful servant had just entered the room.

"It would seem that your greatest concern at present should be the engagement ball, sir." Sebastian remarked, placing a cup of tea in front of his master. The steam curled upward towards Ciel's face, wispy fingers of it playing at his lips as he drank. He did not shy away from the heat, sipping slowly and determinedly before speaking again.

"One week from tomorrow. That should give you sufficient time to prepare." He ordered dismissively.

"An excess of time, my lord." Sebastian smirked his ever present smirk, bowed his ever graceful bow and was gone from the room without another word.

_It won't be nearly enough time for me_, Ciel mused glumly, slumping back in his chair and putting his feet up on the corner of his desk. His legs had finally gotten longer; he was however still slight and pale, with a weak immune system, especially during the colder months. He'd been bed ridden countless times in his life, with fevers, coughs, and crippling pain. It occurred to him now that this year might be one of the worst yet. The thought worried him only a little. Sebastian had always taken care of him; faithfully and dutifully and, more often than not, tenderly. It was no secret to either of them that their feelings for one another transcended those of master and servant. They were a pair-a unit- a single entity in every way one could imagine- they had been for a long time.

Ciel didn't think of it in terms of love and affection- it had always been a partnership, first and foremost- a mutual and fiercely possessive ownership that hinged on deep desire, pure need, and to some degree, emotional commitment. Perhaps that was the true reason for Ciel's dislike of marriage- he'd already made a promise more binding than any wedding ever could be. Maybe it wasn't that he didn't love Lizzie in the way he'd been told he ought to- maybe he'd found the only kind of 'love' he needed.

A raven cawed from somewhere behind Ciel. He turned to the window to see a flash of silky black feathers caught against the cruel breeze- the bird had taken shelter on the window sill, its dark and shining eyes peering in at the boy as it screeched again. The clouds had finally begun to lighten their load, spreading a deluge of frigid sleet as far as the eye could see. It bore down on the trees and pelted the glass- it beat the ground raw- the raven stayed put. No doubt many would think this a sign of morbidities to come- to Ciel, it was a comfort. A raven at his side, even in a storm. He couldn't think of anything more fitting.

That night was as bleak as bleak could ever be. Sebastian lit a fire under Ciel's skin with every brush of lips down his spine; the two of them were curled up together in the shadows, naked under the sheets; a familiar place for both of them to find themselves- and each other.

"Is there any way I can order you to change the future?" Ciel asked hazily, watching the glow from the fireplace flicker in claws across the walls, to the curtains, behind which he could easily hear the steady thrum of hail and whistle of wind- he had no trouble imagining a raven's cry. Sebastian smiled into the pale skin of Ciel's shoulder blade, his hot breath warming it as he laughed.

"I'm afraid that even _I_ have limits." He answered, hands deftly sliding over Ciel's rib cage, pressing to his chest and pulling him close. "Are you really dreading it so much?"

"I am." Ciel nodded. "I thought at first it was the thought of a loveless marriage- but I suppose the truth is that I just don't want anything to change." He surprised himself, if only slightly- he wasn't usually so forthcoming about these things, even with Sebastian.

"You're operating on the assumption that you know _exactly_ how events are going to unfold." Sebastian whispered hotly into Ciel's ear. "Will things- will _this_, really change?"

"Of course it will, foolish demon. You and I both know it had to end sometime. It was either me marrying Lizzie or you eating my soul. The latter would be more preferable to me at this point." Ciel sighed a little too heavily for his own liking. "I _agreed_ to our contract. I committed myself to you, body and soul, until the very end, of my own free will. I was never given a choice when it came to my engagement."

"I am honoured that you would rather die than be with someone else." Sebastian flipped Ciel onto his back, hovering over him with his eyes glinting red in the dim light.

"That _isn't_ what I _said_." Ciel replied somewhat indignant- as indignant as he could be given the situation.

"Ah, yes- but it _is_ what you _meant_." Sebastian murmured slowly before leaning down to capture Ciel's mouth in a slow and easy kiss, seamlessly trailing his lips to the most sensitive spot on the boy's neck, where he bit and sucked and drew a long moan from Ciel's throat. When he pulled away, he'd left a mark that would last until the day of the ball.

"You needn't worry, Ciel." Sebastian grinned predatorily. "You'll still belong to me."

"Don't let that change." Ciel shot back quietly. "That's an order."

* * *

The nights got colder and colder. The mark on Ciel's neck got lighter and lighter. On the night it was the lightest, the world outside was the coldest. They barely slept, keeping each other warm. In the morning, Ciel was disappointed to find not a single blemish anywhere on his body.

The evening of the party was surprisingly pleasant- at least on the part of the weather, which had let up enough to allow the constant stream of nobility to navigate the roads that led them to Phantomhive manor. Ciel had been hoping against hope for a horrible storm to blow their carriages back to London- but no such luck. The lords and ladies of her majesty's court arrived in full force, looking forward to an idle distraction from the frigidity keeping them trapped in their homes.

The mansion was lit with what seemed to be an infinite number of candles; the crystal chandeliers that hung in the ballroom glittered in the warm light, like the stars outside that were hidden tonight by the foreboding cloud cover outside. The floors had been polished to a near mirrored shine- the clatter of footsteps rang out with the din of voices as the guests wandered about the expansive house. Banners of deep blue and sterling silver hung from the walls, and ribbons of the same colours were wrapped around the banister of the main staircase.

Ciel leaned gently against the railing at the top of the stairs, surveying the room (he had been up there avoiding Lizzie for most of the evening). Somehow (with whatever magic he was capable of), Sebastian had managed to keep the decor from bordering on the gaudy or even heinous; this was quite a feat, considering that Lizzie must have wanted to have her say on everything. All in all, Ciel liked the way his mansion looked this evening. He shuddered to think what would happen to it should Lizzie become a permanent part of the household.

_Not should she_, he told himself sternly- _when she_. _When she becomes a permanent part of the household_. _Honestly_, _you should get used to the idea now; it'll be your reality soon enough_.

He realised then that some part of him was still hoping that this wedding would be called off- that the match would be deemed inadequate, or Lizzie's fancy would move to some other Lordling of the court. The second one was about as likely as a break in the weather, he reasoned. The first one could only happen at great risk to his name- a scandal of some sort that would make it a shame for Lizzie to be anything other than a cousin to him. If it were to get out that he had a lover, for instance- the engagement would be ruined.

Ciel's eye, ever wandering around the room of shining gowns and clinking glasses, fell on Sebastian, who was moving across the floor, cutting through the large crowd with the swiftest grace, never even brushing shoulders with the guests, despite the close quarters. His arm was raised above his shoulder, perfectly balancing a tray of champagne glasses, twinkling in the warm light. Ciel's heart sped up, just enough for his cheeks to feel warm. Damn it- he was just staring like a foolish girl. Sebastian, blessedly, didn't seem to notice his master's gawking; if he did, he made no acknowledgement of it. Ciel scowled to himself, inwardly ashamed and outwardly embarrassed that he had even entertained the notion for a second.

Honestly, what was he thinking? Starting a rumor that could ruin the Phantomhive reputation, all so that he wouldn't have to marry Lizzie? And what would happen, in a few years' time, when the hearsay had quieted, and her Majesty chose another lady for him to wed? How much more mud would he have to drag his name through to avoid such a marriage?

Ciel looked at Sebastian once more, and frowned. He had stopped his sauntering and was now smiling brightly at a group of young ladies, perhaps only a year or two older than Ciel. They were, of course, visibly enamoured with the butler's copious amounts of charm. Their flirtatious laughter carried well over the heads of the other guests, reaching Ciel's ears in an obnoxious ring. One of them batted her lashes at Sebastian over her glass of champagne, reaching out to subtly touch his arm. Sebastian allowed it, grin never wavering, eyes never leaving them as they made complete fools of themselves.

Ciel had no illusions- he knew just how much Sebastian enjoyed things like this- being fawned over and having his attentions made into a petty competition. He knew just how aware Sebastian was of his irresistibly desirable nature. He knew just how much Sebastian used this advantage- for their work, when he needed to- but more often to set Ciel's teeth on edge. It amused him. Ciel wondered how he would feel were it the other way around.

He descended the staircase, intent on finding Lizzie- he could hear her somewhere in the room, gushing loudly to someone about the dress she was wearing. It took him longer to get to her than it would have taken anyone else- being the host, he was stopped several times by well wishers and grateful guests- oblivious to the game Ciel was playing. Everyone, save a very few, were oblivious to most everything that went on within Ciel's mind. For that, he was supremely grateful.

Lizzie, as it turned out, got to him first. She had seen him coming, and, him having drawn her attention, abandoned the story of her dress and rushed to meet him.

Lizzie's temperament had evened out since she was a child- though still exuberant and cheerful, she no longer pounced on Ciel with enough force to crush his ribcage- she simply ran to him, linking their arms and grinning widely- her face had lost none of its openness with age- her hair still curled and bounced in golden waves around her shoulders- the way she wore it now was less girlish- more subdued, lady-like. Her mother no doubt had a say in that. Ciel felt the urge to put a hand to his own hair, make sure it was completely slicked back (though he knew Sebastian had done a thorough job- his treacherous memory only supplied him with the familiar feeling of those dexterous fingers through his hair-)

"Good evening, Ciel." Lizzie's delighted voice brought Ciel back to where he was standing. He forced himself into a smile (smiles were getting far less uncomfortable with time). She smiled back, eyes scrunching closed with the light of it.

"Your fiancée looks quite radiant this evening, wouldn't you say, Phantomhive?" Remarked the Lord Ciel had just been speaking with (Breton? Brighton?)- Ciel realised he hadn't really looked at what Lizzie was wearing- all gowns looked the same to him after seeing so many. He did have an appreciation for them though- and the pain tolerance it took to wear them. The dress Lizzie wore this evening was a rich blue satin- unlike most of her clothes, pink or red or green on occasion- it was trimmed at the sleeves and hem with white lace, and had silver bows down the center of the bodice and around the bottom of the puffed skirt. The neckline was open and perfectly accentuated the body she had grown into- Ciel found he had not grown into any desire for it.

"Yes, she certainly is." He was impressed at the smoothness with which he delivered the compliment. She did indeed look radiant- in the way a summer day looks radiant, with its colours and light and soft warmth. She was not radiant to him in the way a young woman is supposed to be to her future husband- through no fault of her own; the fault was his. He felt a sudden pang of guilt at this; to being paying attention to Lizzie now, showing her affection simply to make Sebastian jealous, and Lizzie being unaware. He cared too much about Lizzie to lead her on in such a way- he made up his mind to dance with her, simply because he knew it would make her happy. He cared about her enough to want her to be happy. This was an honest motive.

He wondered when he'd started caring about honest motives. How many lies had he told in service of Queen and country? How many lies had he told as a means to his own selfish ends? Why did it have to be honest now? He was, after all, months away from marrying a girl he was not in love with. Love, yes- one can love another and still not be in love with them. He would be telling the biggest lie he'd ever told- why did he want to be honest _now_?

"I picked the colour to match yours." Lizzie gushed, placing a gloved hand on Ciel's sleeve- his suit was barely a shade darker than her dress. The silver of her glove shimmered against the flat darkness of his jacket- much as her personality stood out in contrast to his.

_What an odd pair we are_.

Ciel remembered when Sebastian had first kissed him, at the end of a case where Ciel had nearly been killed- the heightened emotions of that moment clouded around them and turned everything to a haze of want and instinct. Ciel had thought then that he and Sebastian were as odd a pair as one could imagine- but the oddness of the circumstances was irrelevant.

_My soul is his. My body is his. My heart is his._

_I have nothing to give her_.

The music around them lulled for a moment, then picked up again in the form of one of the few waltzes Ciel was familiar with. The older he got, the more ghastly social events there were to attend. He still hated dancing with a passion.

"Would you care to dance, Lady Elizabeth?" He asked Lizzie, unlinking their arms and offering his hand to her, palm up, openly waiting for her response.

"I would be honoured, Lord Phantomhive." Lizzie giggled at the romance of it, putting her hand into Ciel's and allowing him to guide her towards the dance floor. In the center of the room, the crowd had parted, leaving room for several couples who had begun to twirl elegantly around each other, far more comfortable with all this than Ciel was. He was at least grateful for the fact that he had danced with Lizzie before on multiple occasions- they had finally figured out how to compensate for his lack of skill at leading the dance- she mostly led, pushing him slightly in the right directions to make it look as though he were the one pulling her around the room.

His hand fell on the curve of her waist- he could feel the heat of her body from beneath the stiff fabric of her corset- his own hands felt so cold and inhuman to him, in comparison to Lizzie's resounding warmth. He felt a twinge of embarrassment cross his face- he could never get used to having her close to him like this. Not the same nervous foreign fear he felt when Sebastian had first touched him in such a way- his mouth on every inch of Ciel's skin- Ciel didn't feel like he _should be_ touching Lizzie. That must be it. It wasn't that he'd never let his mind wander into more... intimate territory where she was concerned- his mind had never tried to go there.

The pace of the music picked up a little, and Ciel had to try harder than he usually did just to keep his feet under him as they turned ever faster. He was reminded of his lessons, and lifted his eyes from the ground to meet Lizzie's enamoured gaze.

"Oh Ciel, tonight has been _perfect_." She whispered. "I wish I could have a _thousand_ engagement balls, _just_ like this one." She tapped his chest lightly. "The wedding will be so _splendid_; once the _awful_ snow is gone and the gardens are in full bloom. We'll have white and pink and blue roses, and an _enormous_ party out in the garden." She guided them easily through another turn, speaking as she did so (Ciel silently marveled at this ability).

"And I'll be your _wife_. And we can host as many balls as we want."

Ciel could not have been more ashamed of himself for ever considering breaking off their marriage by starting a scandalous rumor- though he could not rightly (in his own mind) marry Lizzie, to let people think he had a secret lover would break her heart so completely that she might never truly recover. She loved him- she had loved him so deeply for such a long time, and now on the eve of having her greatest wish fulfilled, Ciel was plotting to kill the dream altogether.

He was faced with the most difficult choice of his life- marry her, knowing that he could not love her as she loved him, spend their marriage lying to her about almost everything that was fundamental to their relationship (his feelings, his faithfulness)- or break off the engagement and ruin her happiness. No matter what excuse he gave, he knew it would devastate her. Was he strong enough to marry her? Was he strong enough to live with himself if he chose to break her heart?

Something shifted in the air around them. Ciel could feel a heat rising in his cheeks, the same heat he'd felt when he watched that woman touch Sebastian's arm earlier- he didn't even need to guess why he was suddenly so self-conscious. He could feel Sebastian's eyes on him, and when he turned his head, he saw. Sebastian was standing a few steps up the staircase, so that we was a head or so taller than anyone in the crowd. His eyes followed Ciel relentlessly, and their predatory glow only served to make Ciel's pulse race nearly out of control. The guilt he had about using Lizzie's affections to make Sebastian jealous melted away into something resembling arousal.

A dark smirk spread across Sebastian's face.

The music swelled to a crescendo, and the waltz was over. Another dance picked up after it, but the two of them just stood there. Ciel realised that he was still holding onto her. Sebastian still stared, and Ciel felt a shiver run down his spine.

"Is something wrong, Ciel?" Lizzie asked, eyes searching his.

"Yes, everything's fine, it's just- there's something I must attend to. Excuse me." Ciel made to leave, one hand falling from her waist. She holds onto the other.

"Ciel-"

"I'm sorry." He replied solemnly, and she didn't fight. His hand slipped from hers easily- if only all breaks were as clean. He felt her watching him as he went, her gaze's only effect on him being a lingering sense of shame. He wandered until he was sure she was no longer staring, and then made directly for the stairs, where Sebastian still stood, the picture of the perfect gentlemen, which Ciel certainly didn't feel like at the moment. His heart pounded in his chest, and with Lizzie no longer around to think about, all he wanted to do was drag Sebastian away by the tie.

"_You_." He hissed.

"Good evening, my Lord." Sebastian had obviously decided to pretend as if the predatory staring and the purposefully making Ciel jealous hadn't happened at all. It made Ciel's blood boil. Instead he just met Sebastian's eyes, conveying a silent order, and ascended the stairs. He felt Sebastian follow just behind him, close enough to touch, though he dared not reach out and do so in present company.

Ciel had intended to walk all the way up to his room, and not to come down until tomorrow- or next week, perhaps.

As soon as they disappeared from view, into the shadows of the upstairs hallway, Sebastian was there, backing him up to the wall and kissing him hungrily. Ciel greedily pulled him closer, burying his fingers into silky black hair and pulling just hard enough to make Sebastian growl against his mouth. The sound and the feel of it sent Ciel's blood straight south, where he was already half-hard, hips seeking friction against Sebastian's thigh where it pressed between his legs. His head felt light and empty, all the weight of thought dispelled by the smell and taste and touch of Sebastian.

"Not here," he whispered harshly, barely coherent when Sebastian finally gave him back the use of his mouth. "Someone could find us, someone could hear-" his voice broke off into a fractured groan as Sebastian lifted him from the floor by the backs of his legs, which wrapped themselves around Sebastian's waist of their own accord. The increased but insufficient pressure of Sebastian's body against his growing erection was torturous to say the least.

"My, how people would talk." Sebastian smirked against Ciel's throat, already pulling Ciel's tie loose and working at the top buttons of his shirt. Ciel couldn't miss the distinct tone of amusement in Sebastian's voice, and he scowled (or tried his best to- his jaw hung mostly open, slack in pleasure as Sebastian continued kissing down his neck).

"Yes they would- perhaps if they saw you fraternising with certain ladies of the court." He jabbed, the words barely reaching over his heavy breaths. Sebastian tugged Ciel's shirt from where it was tucked into his trousers, rucked it up and ran his hands over Ciel's sharp hipbones. Ciel's heart skipped a beat altogether.

"Mm, _you're_ one to talk." Sebastian always dropped all the 'my lord's' and 'young master's' at times like this- Ciel could never decide whether it was more infuriating or arousing. Right now, for instance, it was infinitely more arousing.

"She's my _fiancée_\- it's our _engagement_ ball; I couldn't just ignore her all evening, no matter how much I might have liked to." Ciel could hardly believe they were having a conversation about his _fiancée_ while in a position such as this. He could hardly believe that there was still any sort of conversation happening at this point. Sebastian kissed him again, biting his bottom lip to where he nearly drew blood. Ciel moaned and wished he would.

"You know I despise the way she touches you so freely." The heat of Sebastian's jealousy radiated off of him in waves, nearly burning Ciel's hands where they held tightly to his shoulders. Sebastian punctuated this thought with a sharp bite to Ciel's collarbone; Ciel could not keep from crying out in pained ecstasy- he immediately slapped a hand over his mouth, scared that someone may have heard him. It seemed that no one had. His hand slowly fell, finding purchase on the lapel of Sebastian's tailcoat.

"She doesn't know any better." He moaned when Sebastian licked over the bite mark he had just made. Ciel barely suppressed another embarrassingly loud noise when a second one was made, right next to the first.

"She doesn't know what we are," he continued when he was once again able to speak. "She doesn't know what I was thinking about."

"And what _was_ it that you were thinking about?" Sebastian pried, suddenly pulling Ciel's legs away from him, placing his shaking feet back on solid ground. Ciel groaned at the sight of Sebastian sinking to his knees, shucking his gloves, pushing Ciel's shirt up once again and sucking marks into his hips.

"You know damn well what." Ciel snarled, not sounding nearly as intimidating as he'd intended to.

"_Say it_." Sebastian's order was nothing more than hot air against Ciel's cold skin. Ciel felt his legs nearly give out beneath him.

"I was- I was thinking about you-" Ciel gasped in anticipation as Sebastian's hands went to the buttons of his trousers- "touching me."

"Is this what you were thinking about? Is this what you want?" Sebastian coaxed, tugging Ciel's trousers down and slowly stroking Ciel's cock. Ciel shook his head but moaned, thrusting instinctually into Sebastian's hand.

"Your _mouth_-" Ciel begged, his head falling back against the wall with a dull thud. "I want your _mouth_."

Sebastian, of course, did as he was told- he leaned forward and took Ciel's cock into his mouth, wasting no time with teasing. He hummed lowly and bobbed his head up and down, his eyes falling closed when Ciel's hand once again pulled through his hair. As much as he was in a subservient position, on his knees for his master, he knew that he was also in complete control- he had full power over Ciel's mind and body. There was no room in Ciel's mind for anyone but Sebastian- he made sure of that.

Ciel was struggling to keep quiet; his mind tripped repeatedly over the words, _yes, yes Sebastian, just like that- go on, remind me who I really belong to-_ but he knew that if he opened his mouth to say them, he would nearly scream in pleasure, thus alerting the whole house as to what was really happening. The secrecy of this act alone sent his heart racing- and Sebastian's utterly sinful mouth was melting Ciel from the inside out. He felt his release coming quickly- he knew he wouldn't last much longer. He bit down into his own bottom lip to keep from moaning as Sebastian's tongue teased at the head of his cock- even though Sebastian was on his knees, Ciel knew that in this moment, he himself was the one being controlled- and he could not deny how much he loved it.

Ciel's teeth drew blood from his lip when he climaxed a moment later, fingernails digging into Sebastian's scalp as he came down the demon's throat. Sebastian swallowed around him, making Ciel shake with the aftershocks of his pleasure- his legs felt boneless- his body was simultaneously weightless and too heavy for him to carry.

Before Ciel could even catch his breath, Sebastian had lifted him from the floor once again and pulled him inside the nearest drawing room. The suddenness of this, coupled with the disorienting haze in Ciel's mind made him nearly fall to his knees- Sebastian caught him, putting Ciel's clothes to rights and leaning him back against the closed door- his touch continued to buzz across Ciel's skin as the boy breathed shallow and quick, slowly but surely returning to himself. Sebastian crouched in front of him, hands pressed to the wall on either side of Ciel's head, their faces inches apart.

"What was that for?" He whispered harshly. Sebastian put a finger to his lips.

"Ciel? Cieeeeel! Where _are_ you?" It was Lizzie, wandering the hall outside where Sebastian and Ciel had just been. Her light footsteps and loud voice carried right up to the door. Ciel thought he could feel her touch the door, her presence unmistakeable. For a moment he worried that she could sense him too- and when he had fully realised the fact that he was afraid of being seen by his own fiancée, he made up his mind.

A long moment passed before Sebastian moved. He was quite sure now that Miss Elizabeth had gone back to the party. He looked down at Ciel, pale and dishevelled in the dim light, the smell of sex still clinging to his skin- he felt the same possessive flame from moments ago, welling up inside him. Ciel opened his mouth to speak, but Sebastian kissed him first, long and hot and hard before seamlessly trailing his lips down to the throat that he had left unmarked, so no one would know- it angered him beyond belief. He eased this rage by sinking his teeth into Ciel's throat, tasting the traces of the soul that was so rightfully his in the blood of the body that he would let none other touch. Ciel hissed and moaned at the wonderful pain of it, clawing at Sebastian's shoulders. He no longer cared about what noises he made. He felt arousal rising in himself once again, gasping when Sebastian's cold hands reached up his shirt and scratched lines in the small of his back.

"I can't do it, Sebastian. I can't marry her." He sighed, moments later when Sebastian had pulled away- electricity still sparked in the air around them- this night was far from over- but Ciel knew he wouldn't have to go back downstairs, at least. Sebastian smirked, licking his lips with all the desire Ciel knew resided in both of them. Sebastian leaned down, pulling Ciel into his lap and whispering into the space behind his ear-

"Then don't."

* * *

_My Dear Lizzie,_

_I will not try to preface what I am about to write, as it would be unfair to you. There is something that has been weighing on me for quite some time. In the course of our relationship, I have grown to care for you deeply- you have become a beautiful young woman, one worthy of everything you could desire. I would go to great lengths to protect you- I tell myself that protecting you is what I must do now. As you know, my work for her Majesty the Queen has made me the target of many evil and dangerous entities. They have come after me, my home, and my servants on occasion- they will not hesitate to destroy the things I care about, and in so doing, destroy me. _

_I will be honest, Lizzie- I cannot marry you. To bring you into this house and to have you as my wife would make you just as much of a target as I have been for years. Though our union has been planned since our childhood, and though it is my duty to Queen and country to take a wife, I care about you too much to willingly and knowingly put you in harm's way. Though I would spare no expense to keep you safe, I know that there may come a time when I would fail. I hope you can forgive me- your love has helped me through the losses I have suffered- I only want you to find all the happiness you can._

_Yours,_

_Ciel_

* * *

_This will break her heart_, Ciel thought with a sigh, _but it is what I must do_. He sealed the envelope and pushed it to the edge of his desk, well out of his reach. He wished for it to be sent, and for this entire thing to be over- his fingers pressed into the mark on his neck, freshly bruised from last night- he thought of Lizzie's presence outside the drawing room door, and promptly banished it from his mind. There was no need to think about such things- he had no regret.

"Is the master feeling guilty?" Sebastian asked coyly, setting Ciel's tea down in front of him.

"Never." Ciel looked up at Sebastian, whose eyes had softened despite the jab of his voice.

"I have entered the only contract I need in this life. The only one I want." He stated firmly, eyes flashing in time with Sebastian's. "I will take no one else into my bed or into my heart." He put a hand over the mark of their contract, his eye glowing brightly.

"Only this, and nothing more."


End file.
